John, of Chinese origin and founder of a small family business about 75 years, do not want to leave the reins of his company any of his five children, even though some of them have college education and work experience in major industries in USA Apparently John is the patriarch of the family offers advice to families in trouble and when available resources, lends them money.
We wonder how a wise and generous person can be so selfish, that because of his advanced age, does not give the command to your children? Behind this behavior exists lust for power and control. John has an instinct overwhelmed by being recognized. But on the other hand it is obsessed with the need to maintain as much control over their environment. To raise your low self-esteem needs dependent-contrary to make their own decisions- people. Thus, a dysfunctional relationship is created -two or more people interact with destructive-behaviors, the founder can foster an economic and psychological dependence on the clerk (Larsen and Goodstein, 1993). This link can also occur between individuals of a second or higher generation.
The reader can understand the inconvenience of perpetuating a dysfunctional relationship. What causes blindness John have that control? Presumably it has an emotional void that manifests through loneliness, fear and resentment. Human behavior do not have a simple explanation, an answer is that John faces the future with uncertainty, influence, since childhood, his father probably addicted to alcohol, drugs or game-. When his father was sober he was a loving man. But when he drank, he returned home and his actions were determined by their intoxicated soul punished Juan rightly or wrongly analyzed with special precision or the mistakes of his mother who -Appearance fastidiaba- and not their own. Without being aware of it and through a long process, Juan learned that it was best to control their environment if possible- this. Years later, when John takes over the family business, it requires its subordinate securities absurd. Monitoring, which is desirable at adequate levels, the business overemphasized leads to inefficiency. Juan tries to fill his inner void with the submission of their families and subordinates.
This article is the continuation of other previously published. In it we argued that conflicts can be of three types: tasks, processes and relationships (Kellermanns and Eddleston, 2004). The first two types are positive. But the relationship is worrying, concerns the perception of animosity and incompatibility between people. In the latter type, the rifts do not obey the discussion of the tasks to be performed and the distribution of responsibilities, if not the supposedly free hatreds among relatives. We believe that this irritation is caused by the habits that people acquire from children and promoting dysfunctional behaviors.
The types of dysfunctional behaviors
Larsen and Goodstein (1993) propose six types of dysfunctional behaviors. The first, already explained, the guardians (caretakes), those with obfuscation for control. The second, the condescending (people pleaser), seeking always to please others even before unenforceable orders. The third, martyrs (martyrs), have fear of success and pleasure. The four workaholics (workkaholics), the task is an end in itself. The fifth, perfectionists (perfectionists), look for a job well done beyond reason. And the sixth, irresponsible (tap dancers), those who do not take responsibility.
LaboralEn each of the types of behavior can inquire why it is a dysfunctional behavior. We have already seen the case of the guards. Why it is inadequate; in the case of patronizing, please others; in the martyrs, be conservative; in workaholics, labor strongly; in perfectionists, perform a job well done and irresponsible, enjoy a leisurely day. They are suitable to the extent that the action will be measured.
The problem is the excessive behavior and impertinence to fill the void inside with egocentric attitudes.
A person who is linked to a condescending may suffer because of promises that are not fulfilled; a martyr, the task is boycotted before completion; with a workaholic, labor unnecessarily; a perfectionist, perform a job well done beyond the reasonable and irresponsible not assume the responsibilities demanded by the company.
What to do with conflicts over relations?
Ideally any conflict can be improved if those involved recognize their dysfunctional behavior and are willing to communicate. These conditions are not easy to fulfill. Change dysfunctional habits that have been ingrained for a long time is difficult. Not all individuals are willing to face the truth of their inner world and to interact positively with others healthy. We know people who have sought to resolve their inner emptiness which manifests itself in guilt, fear, depression-has taken them many years to ten- or perhaps simply have not succeeded.
A family business is a combination of individual, family and business that relate systemically. Perhaps track solution to conflicts over relations is offered when we observe it as a system to our needs. We accept the negative aspects of family business, we try individuals improve their dysfunctional behavior, and if not possible, we accept it completely. But we also observe its positive points; on the one hand, the values ​​adopted family, tradition -the set of beliefs and customs that are passed from generation to generation and promote long life of the company; and secondly, a successful strategy that encourages individuals to change dysfunctional behaviors. We know of a case in which both the founder and his son are addicted to the game, but were able to achieve a minimum consensus that allowed them to create a successful chain of 30 stores throughout Peru.